Erstwhile Muse

Calling Bullshit

or "Someone wake me when we're done reliving the dot-com bubble again..."

So as is quite often the case, I am woken up this morning to the sounds of NPR on the radio. Or perhaps it is better to say that I drug myself to full consciousness to listen more intently to something that sounded interesting on NPR, in the case Weekend Edition Saturday. I almost wish I'd stayed asleep just a bit longer, as their Digital Culture section for today was a piece on Popularity Dialer.

For those of you fortunate enough to have missed all mention of this particular little bit of chicanery, let me clue you in, since it seems to be the meme to beat right now in the verbal circle jerk that is the blogosphere. I suppose the best way to do that would be to quote from the source:

Have you ever been in a situation where you wished your cell phone would ring? Maybe you wanted to look extra important or popular on that hot date. Or maybe you just needed an excuse to escape from an unpleasant meeting.

Uhm, lets see...no. And do you know why? Because I generally consider myself to not be such a self-important jackass that I need a fake fucking phone call to save me from myself.

What particularly galls me about this little nugget of Web 2.0 bullshit is the fact that everytime I hear about this malodourous ass-whiff of an idea, it is presented as some revolutionary new idea, when all it really is is two graduate students in the Interactive Telecommunications Program—let's not even begin to discuss the afterbirth of an aborted nightmare that is the Flash interface that link leads to, my brain may explode if forced to ponder it any longer—at the Tisch School of the Arts (Art School. Interactive. Technology.*twitchtwitch*) pulling a fast one over on their professor by ripping off ideas from at least one major cellular phone provider and presenting it as their final project. I've had service from Virgin Mobile for at least a year now, and since day one of my service, they've offered what they call Rescue Rings. Let's see how Virgin Mobile describes the service they offer shall we?

Don't be a weasel, have us do it for you. We call and you get to bail.
We've all been there. Stuck in a nightmare blind date, meeting, class, or conversation with no way out. We've got your back. Just set up a Rescue Ring for a pre-determined time and your phone will ring. Pretend to have a conversation and take it from there.

Hmm, the only major difference I can see is that VM touts their service as an interactively telecommunicative way of being an insensitive dick, whereas PD prides itself on being able to offer you the value added option of allowing you to be a self important prick with the same service. And it's free, bonus!

Well, it's free for the first five calls at least. Seems our two enterprising young plagiari...er, grad students are currently paying for this service all out of pocket while they seek sponsors to defray costs. Hmm, wow, no, this doesn't seem familiar at all. Nope, doesn't remind me one bit of ridiculous fly-by night ideas funded by speculative and mostly tech-ignorant venture capitalists. It does sort of smell familar though...wait,hmm, what is it?

*sniffsniffsniff*

Ah yep, that's what I thought. To quote Penn Jillette, to me it smells a lot like bullshit...

Labels: technology

Item No: 115539106316230971 posted 08:55 by Erstwhile Muse
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I've Got Gmail...

Holy crap on toast do I...

Apparently GMail is beginning to move out of the beta phase and into the more mass market stage. How can I tell this? I'm taking a wild stab that this is the case after I logged on to the web site for GMail last night so I could hit Andy up with an invite. That's when I saw 50 invites sitting there waiting for me to dole out.

So, who wants Gmail?

Labels: technology

Item No: 111090037726140329 posted 10:06 by Erstwhile Muse
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Techno-lust dujour: MIDI Edition

This one's for Andy.

So thanks to the happy mutants over at Boing Boing, I came across this little article describing the world's first commercial digital accordion, complete with MIDI expandability. I likes it...now we just need digital bagpipes.

Ooh oooh ooh! Digital Oompah music, provided perhaps by the Digital Oompire‽ Ok, bad pun on my part...

Hmm...what about a MIDI Theremin you ask? Ok, well I asked, and apparently so did someone else. Interesting. I'll have to file that in the Projects To Work On One One Of These Fucking Years folder.

Labels: music, technology

Item No: 110053591180679285 posted 11:16 by Erstwhile Muse
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Techno-lust dujour

Pardon me whilst I mop up the drool here...

I'm not even sure what this is entirely, but I'm already in lust with it. Look at those dials! Those buttons! Those sexy analog meters and switches! The beautiful black, brutal techy feel to it....*drool*

Labels: technology

Item No: 110027974417862471 posted 13:12 by Erstwhile Muse
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WTF mate?

I am <em>so</em> fucking ready for this election bullshit to be over...

I just received the wierdest fucking phone call I've answered in, oh, the past week at least. Ohio's Secretary of State Ken Blackwell called to make sure I was voting, and that I knew where the proper precinct was for me to go and perform my civic duty. Wow, what a guy that Ken Blackwell, to be so concerned that he'd call me to make sure my vote counted this year...

Except of course it wasn't Ken Blackwell, but Robo-Ken Blackwell sending me an automated 30 second voter poll down my telephone line. How much fucking cash did that cost I'm wondering Ken? What's the matter, didn't feel all the press concerning your little directive on provisional ballots got the point across?

Labels: politics, technology

Item No: 109897887185713568 posted 10:43 by Erstwhile Muse
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God Bless the Japanese.

Weird Sex shit from Japan that isn't gross or creepy&#8253; Get out of here...

Ok, in general I think we've all learned by now that when it comes to Japan + Sex + the Internet, usually it's a good idea to avoid the subject unless you have a strong constitution or a severe sense of personal loathing. That of course goes doubly for any such link found by Warren Ellis.

Like any good rule though, this one has it's exception, and I think we've finally found it in the form of a news story about a Japanese company that has developed vibrating condoms. From the sounds of it there's nothing disturbing involved with these particular little safe sex toys—well, apart from sending a worker out to brothels to do clitoral geography measurements. One would assume there had to be a better way to ascertain that sort of data, but if that is the worst thing we can say about this story, we're probably all doing pretty good in the long run.

No word though in the article on when—or if—the condoms will become available outside of Japan. Dammit...

Labels: technology

Item No: 109694992982523213 posted 00:13 by Erstwhile Muse
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The best laid plans of men...

Sometimes end up fucked in the ass-can by physics.

I have found no hard evidence for vomiting or uncontrolled defecation, even at levels of 170 dB or more.

-Jurgen Altmann, from the article Sonic Doom in Fortean Times

Well fuck, there go those plans.

I'll elaborate at a later date why the need for a functioning, real-world bowel disruptor is so prevalent a theme for me right now...

Labels: technology

Item No: 109586829115008689 posted 10:35 by Erstwhile Muse
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That's the real problem with 'em.

And people wonder why I'm single...

I love Mac Hall. Really I do.

I suppose someone could always get poor Ian McConville a case like this, at least as a hold over till the Japanese get really weird and actually bring us Persocoms.

Postscript:

From the Thanks for that Mental Image Department

I got an email from Ian (pronounced yahn, not ee·yen for those of you who don't know) Detloff on this one due to a minor bit of name confusion.

Unfortunately for the rest of you, he also asked:

Is that the new laptop computer‽

at which point I immediately had not terribly pleasant images of some wanker with way too much time and money on his hands doing that sort of case mod with a RealDoll.

Hell, why not go all the way and get the optional Interactive sensory response and Hip Gyration systems—programmable of course.

shudder

Hey, if I gotta be in mental pain over all this, you're all joining me...

Labels: comics, perversions, technology

Item No: 109408662410265427 posted 19:52 by Erstwhile Muse
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NPR is scanning my brain as I sleep...

I swear to god they must be.

So one of my roommates and I were up late last night talking about random crap, and somewhere along the way I got to describing my little pet concept for how to renovate parking garages when I become benevolent dictator—I prefer the term philosopher king really, but others tend to disagree with me. In short it consists of utilizing the roof space of parking garages for things like solar and wind power, cellular network repeaters and plant growth. Certainly it removes some of the useful parking space, but who really wants to park on an elevated slab of concrete in the blazing sun and other inclement weather?

So there I am this morning sluggishly waking up when my brain finally begins paying attention to the news segment that's playing on WCBE. It's a Morning Edition report on green roofs, which is pretty much spot on a description of just what I had been describing the night before, at least in the vegetative aspect.

I swear to god those fuckers are scanning my brain sometimes....

Labels: design, technology

Item No: 108799597626566788 posted 08:04 by Erstwhile Muse
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Manic Monday

or <q>Ahh, pop culture references, how pithy...</q>

It's Monday, Memorial Day to be precise. Normally what one would considered a fairly laid back day for most folks in the US, being a holiday and all—not that it's really all that much different for those of us who remain unemployed I suppose . Not for me though, I'm sitting here having a little manic attack, worrying about the fact that I've been awake for about 7 ½ hours, and only two of the many projects that I have started today are finished. And somehow I don't think painting a dwarf for Warhammer Quest really counts as a grand accomplishment.

Start one project and finish it before moving on you say? Bah, fuck you. What part of manic attack did you not comprehend? This is not the normal, rational behavior I might have, this is me being a friggin' spaz of epic proportions. I only have so much patience today before projects get the boot, to be replaced with something that might actually get completed without multiple annoying complications.

Postscript 1:

Just for the record, the latest ATI Catalyst Drivers do not like to complete the install process over a Remote Desktop connection.

Postscript 2:

If anyone knows how to get my SMC2671W to properly function as WAN for my Barricade, please contact me. I'll be damned if I can get these fuckers to talk to each other properly.

Labels: random, technology

Item No: 108602544693504055 posted 12:31 by Erstwhile Muse
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Boys and their toys

Anyone who has actually read any of my ramblings here up till this point has probably figured out that I'm rather fond of my Archos mp3 player. Apparently I am in quite good company in that regard; a quick glance at Warren Ellis' page today shows some of his pub writing gear. Check out the bottom left side of the picture...

Labels: music, technology

Item No: 108572510658941858 posted 01:14 by Erstwhile Muse
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A Starbucks on every corner

and not a god damn one of 'em has wireless....

That's right, not a single fucking Starbucks in downtown Columbus has wireless access available for patrons. In fact, so far I have only been able to find one place at all that has access in the downtown area, a little local shop called Skambo, and even that is pretty flaky. Both times I have been here it takes me about 15 minutes of futzing to get my connection working properly. But the point is it does work, and therefore I can attempt to kill time in a relatively productive fashion between classes.

Labels: technology

Item No: 108128514334036020 posted 15:59 by Erstwhile Muse
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A Day in Chicagoland

or Clones and Robots and Dean...Oh My!

A brief list of things I have enjoyed on this, our first full day in the greater Chicagoland area:

1. Public Transporfuckingtation. I'm not going to try and say that it's a perfect system, a mere one day of exposure is sure to cover up a few flaws, but compared to the sad state of affairs of the Columbus public transit system, it's a goddamn technological marvel of the ages. My personal favorite is the bike racks on the front of the busses, and the ability to take a bike on the damn train...if you can't get close enough by either of those two methods, it can't be too far of a bike ride. What a fantastic solution, and one that the eighth fattest city in the country could stand to implement. Apparently it hasn't done much to help Chicago in that regard, but that largely appears to be due to a host of other factors and is not soley reliant on their transportation. Looking closer into Men's Fitness' little survey does bring up the old lies, damn lies, and statistics quote in my head; Columbus somehow beats Chicago in the commute attribute, despite the former's absolute antipathy towards anything resembling a well funded and useful public transportation system. The problem here of course is the fact that Men's Fitness only pays attention to travel time as an average rather than per capita, or any sort of measure of efficiency or environmental impact. Heaven forefend we should cut into any possible gym time (which most Americans would not avail themselves of anyway) by taking the damn bus or train.
2. The Museum of Science and Industry. This of course could spawn a list of its own, especially when you let a couple of computer geeks roam free for a few hours; let's begin, shall we ?
   1. While on the subject of trains, let's discuss the museum's absolutely outstanding model railroad, shall we ? This is a fantastic example of the grown men and their toys theorem, as well exhibited by one of the volunteers we spoke to after we had wandered around drooling over scenery, pushing all the buttons around the periphery of course. They wouldn't have put them there if they weren't meant to be pushed, after all. Back to our helpful and friendly volunteer; Lee had noticed while we were cresting the Rockies on our way back to downtown Chicago that they had built a small cave into the upper parts of the display. What was more amusing to us though was the fact that the cave contained a family of bears about to devour Little Timmy and his Boy Scout buddy. Our trusty guide pointed out a few more scenes of interest that I highly encourage you to look for if you get a chance to visit:
      1. The Hulk rampaging through downtown Chicago.
      2. One of Chicago's finest arresting a hooker on one of the side streets.
      3. Midwestern residents sharing their morning commute with a bovine rider.
      4. Somewhere on the Illinois dunes a young lad making his escape with a woman's bikini top, and the ensuing chase.
      Despite my best efforts, the observation was made that the display would make quite a spectacular, if somewhat incredibly impractical table for wargaming. Moving on...
   2. to the Pioneer Zephyr, aka The Silver Streak. God damn is that a beautiful piece of machinery, all gleam and wonderful lines. There's not really much more I care to say about this...it must be seen to be appreciated.
   3. We also spent some time helping them to break in a new exhibit on the toy business, especially the manufacturing process. Lee and I both decided the toys we really wanted were the ones that came from Motoman; not currently being in possession of a spare $15-45,000 I decided to go with the $3 Gravitron non-functional link instead. This was a good bit of fun as we wandered around the display once, playing with the Motoman toys and investigating the assembly stations while museum employees tried coaxing the various Windows systems to play nicely with each other in order to get the display running, then following the bits of colored plastic around the loop again once the kiosks and all were back online ready to make my Gravitron non-functional link, complete with all the sonic welding and laser engraving and cheeky packaging robots. My personal suggestion for those visiting the museum and leaving with a custom Gravitron...go for a purple or orange one. The neon green tops are rather eye catching, which is probably why that color is used for the dummy runs. Unfortunately there is no telling how many times those pieces have been through the assembly line before being turned into a finished piece.
   4. What geek field trip would be complete without checking out a functional Enigma machine ? The main U505 exhibit was not open unfortunately, but we would have been amiss had we not made sure to see that particular piece of crypto history, especially as this was an advanced prototype model that printed on ticker tape. To find out that the NSA has it's own crypto museum (which we immediately agree would be worth visiting given the chance) was a nice little bonus surprise.
   What about the fucking clone you say ? Well I'll be honest, the genetics display just wasn't that fascinating to me at that point. They did however have some cloned mice, so at the very least I can officially say that I have seen my first clone up close. Whee....
3. When we were finished with the museum, it was time to attend to the reason for the trip in the first place, that being Laylia's performance at the Chicago Turkish Festival. Acting as itinerant videographer for the event took up relatively little of my time there luckily, leaving me plenty of time to ogle the many attractive young women there as they danced to traditional Turkish folk music, and become amused by the wonderfully low key Dean campaign presence. Thankfully the folks involved realized people were there to party, not politick and left the campaigning to one sign unobtrusively placed to the side of the stage and one handout passed along to people on their departure. Chalk up one more for appropriate grassroots efforts.

Labels: public transportation, technology, travel

Item No: 108800698844963604 posted 12:00 by Erstwhile Muse
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