Erstwhile Muse

Sometimes, I just hate being right...

I found this several days ago, but have so far been too lazy to actually work up the indignation to post. Actually, indignation isn't the right word, but for lack of a better term right now let's go with that.

That's right, less than a month after my original posting suggesting that some weirdo out there was going to start using these bug swatters as sex toys, we have photographic proof online. Not only that, but as I absolutely refuse to pay for porn anymore, that means that somewhere out there, someone bought the damn thing online, had it delivered, arranged a photo shoot, put the pictures online, and it was able to percolate it's way down to me through the various free teaser sites in under three weeks. Why three weeks you ask? Oh come on, these folks are California based most likely, what use would they have in their normal course of activities for an electrified fly swatter? I'm willing to wager that some intern there or someone saw the Boing Boing post, and had the same thought I did.

God I hate being right sometimes...

Postscript:

From the Department of Corrections (Temporal)

Then of course there are the times I am wrong, like earlier in this post when I screwed up the time frame involved. Ok, so it was the beginning of last month that I wrote about the bug swatter and it's eventual uses, not this month. Which does give them a much more comfortable leeway of around seven weeks or so.

My point concerning the inevitability of the perversion however, stands.

Labels: perversions

Item No: 112251732557553624 posted 21:07 by Erstwhile Muse
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From the Department of Unintended Uses

Impromptu Sex Toys Division

From Boing Boing comes the second hand account of an electrified fly swatter. Apparently this thing is designed so you can run around looking like a tool, waving this thing randomly about in front of you in the hopes of catching bugs in mid flight and zapping them to death.

Now the picture located both on Boing Boing and the original site is rather non-descriptive when it comes to scale, but does lend the device to certain other considerations, especially given it's coloration, certain people I know, and where they work. The original site is also slightly afflicted with a light case of Engrish it would seem, as exhibited by this quote describing the units safety...

Is it safe?
Very safe. It has an external protective mesh on both sides of the live electric inner mesh. Just do not touch inside the protective mesh. Anyway current comes live when you activate the On button, but static charge may persist.

So it purports to include safety features, one of which is simply an admonition not to be a dumbass, which we all know never works in real life. It would also seem to me, that if people are going to end up using this for what I am assuming it will end up being perverted into, I am sure it would be a simple modification to alleviate some of those safety features. To be certain though, seeing the device with some reference to scale would be helpful.

Luckily, the originating page runs Google text ads, which I normally ignore, but which this time saves me the hassle of trying to track down further images of these devices. The first ad link leads to a site where you can order a version of the device that has it's own, erm...merits.

As a manufacture and one of the largest wholesaler of this unique product world-wide we highly recommend The Single Metal Grill Bug Zapper-most popular style zapper on the market. It is simple, cheaper and works well !

Oh goodie! Cheaper and simple! That's always good isn't it? But what about safety of these units that this manufacture is offering?

It is easy effective and hygienic way to eliminate mosquitoes, insects and other pests. But it should be kept out of the reach of children! Do not let active unit come in contact with any people,animals, water and combustible materials.

Oh...that seems to be a bit less concerned with built in safety features and instead relies soley on the discretion of the user to assure that the device is used in a safe and responsible manner...

So the question that remains is, how soon until you think we see these for sale down at The Chamber for use by all the electrostim and CBT enthusiasts?

Labels: hardware, perversions

Item No: 111802113111587196 posted 20:17 by Erstwhile Muse
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Ya know...

Freud would have a field day with this...

Myself, I'm actually rather speechless. I wonder if I should send it to Uncle Warren?

Labels: perversions

Item No: 111602456224734369 posted 17:46 by Erstwhile Muse
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Cooking shows you wont find on the Food Network

or anywhere else either...

At least it's a high protein diet.

God damn monkey mother fucking hell Ellis...

Postscript:

From the Department of Nutrion, Soylent Green Division

Of course, if you need a replacement for soy sauce in any of those recipes, apparently China has your answer.

Labels: perversions

Item No: 110071195378689193 posted 13:11 by Erstwhile Muse
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That's the real problem with 'em.

And people wonder why I'm single...

I love Mac Hall. Really I do.

I suppose someone could always get poor Ian McConville a case like this, at least as a hold over till the Japanese get really weird and actually bring us Persocoms.

Postscript:

From the Thanks for that Mental Image Department

I got an email from Ian (pronounced yahn, not ee·yen for those of you who don't know) Detloff on this one due to a minor bit of name confusion.

Unfortunately for the rest of you, he also asked:

Is that the new laptop computer‽

at which point I immediately had not terribly pleasant images of some wanker with way too much time and money on his hands doing that sort of case mod with a RealDoll.

Hell, why not go all the way and get the optional Interactive sensory response and Hip Gyration systems—programmable of course.

shudder

Hey, if I gotta be in mental pain over all this, you're all joining me...

Labels: comics, perversions, technology

Item No: 109408662410265427 posted 19:52 by Erstwhile Muse
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Ummm, right...

From the <q>Way Too Involved To Be Fun</q> Department

Leave it to the Japanese...

Oh, and look there's video. Oh goody.

I gotta say though, I've missed memepool. :)

Labels: perversions

Item No: 109400718733593847 posted 21:49 by Erstwhile Muse
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Do not taunt the Kingboy with your boredom

for he has brain fryee powers at his command.

Sometimes my powers of web synchronicity can be amazing, and yet frightening at the same time. Just ask Hocker, who was the original recipient of this particular little fusillade when he made the mistake of IMing me that he was bored. Foolish lad...

During my daily reading, I inevitably make a stop over at boingboing.net . Yesterday they had a great link to a site of 3D modeled early generation Transformers. As a child of the 80's and a big 3D geek, I am all over this of course, especially the animated transformation movies. All of this is pretty cool I thought, fits right along with the flash animated breakdancing Decepticons that I had linked to me a few weeks ago. I still say it would have worked better with Blaster the Autobot, Soundwave is just too somber for break beats—oh well, the price of relative obscurity I suppose.

Now fastforward to memepool.com, a spot of particularly deranged strangeness. Here we find a link that promises to (soil) your childhood, one memory at a time. Oooh, fun! Let's go look shall we?

That's right kiddies, Transformers fan-porn. I'd say I'm surprised, but that would be lying as I'm a jaded ass motherfucker at this point, and only Warren Ellis has any real chance of provoking that response anymore. And only on a really good day at that. Hocker however is not so lucky, and after I rapid fired those links to him I think I broke his brain temporarily—he told me to put down the keyboard and step away from the computer.

No, if I was going to be surprised at anything it's that I haven't yet come across 3D animated Transformers porn. Note that I said yet—rest assured I am sure it will happen at some point. Just look at the vast swath of Poser porn out there if you need proof of that. Still not convinced that computer generated porn of all types is a thriving sub-culture? Perhaps you should browse the CGI archives over at Fleshbot.

So remember kids, always think twice before telling me that you're bored—you may just regret it later...

Labels: perversions, random

Item No: 108982710292849152 posted 12:39 by Erstwhile Muse
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I'm surprised it took this long.

Now Nerve just isn't as much fun to read since Grant Stoddard left, but I browse over there every now and again just to see what's up. They have started up a new section posting snippets of news concerning sex in the media which, while not nearly as entertaining as Fleshbot tends to be, still had a couple of interesting articles.

Like the one about the Nude Women's Wrestling League. Now from what I could tell the wrestling here is even worse than what you would find in your average match of Kaiju Big Battel—hell, at least those guys look like they're trying. But I will have to give them this; they know the unwritten law of American capitalism, wherein smut—and I mean smut here, dirty naughty smut, not just sex—is a guaranteed money maker. Especially as the country gets more and more visibly repressed in the media after Janet's little nip slip.

It's also amusing that they've gone back to the sort of blatant lack of concern that the old WWF had—and by old I mean back when I was a kid. They have their own updated versions of Sergeant Slaughter and the Iron Sheik in the guises of Harriet Bush and Layla Hussein. That alone earns them a bemused smirk from me, no matter what I think of the rest of their endeavor.

Labels: perversions

Item No: 10892118467100940 posted 09:46 by Erstwhile Muse
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