Erstwhile Muse

Jan 31, 2006

Well Fuuuuuuuuuuck...

So I learned tonight that my mom is apparently undergoing a hysterectomy a week from Friday.

Well fuck-a-duck. Not exactly what I wanted to make a return with, but there it is. This entry may end up being a tad scattered, but you'll just all have to cope with that on this one—the brain, she is a bit muddled at the moment. So what precisely is the logical, scientifically oriented pseudo-atheist with an irrational dislike of hospitals and major surgery to do eh? Sigh...ok, deep breath, compose thoughts, write down in some sort of comprehensible order. That would be the most useful course of action if I wish to actually accomplish something here.

So why pseudo-atheist? Mostly because I don't really tend to label myself anything in the faith/religion/belief department. I suppose then I could be considered atheist by omission, which is more or less how I suppose Andy came to that conclusion. I tend to think, on the very few times anymore that I tend to think of such things, that I lean a bit more towards the agnostic side of things, but I have a feeling that is merely a side effect of my more creative aspects that have a romantic fascination with the concept of 'god'. I see god in the sense of wonder and awe inherent in natural beauty, in the vast potential of our species—when we aren't wasting it—but see no need to attribute that to some sort of external entity. Trans-Romantic Technological Humanism would be the best explanation for it I suppose. Regardless of which random, and ultimately rather pointless, label one should choose to attribute to my (lack of a) belief system, it does not obviate a seemingly ingrained human desire in such situations for prayer, of one sort or another. Now obviously, traditional Judeo-Christian prayer to everyone's mystical happy invisible friend is not something I'm likely to engage in, even now. Yet I can see the allure in the face of, what is essentially, something which I have no control over, and no possible way of affecting for the positive in any way, shape or form, no matter how much I may wish it to be different. So instead, I do what I do, which is to hope for the best for my mom and go about my business...

Here's hoping that's all I'll need to do.

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